The Musings of Sebastian Melmoth

Pennies

2008-07-07T21:43:00.001+01:00

The other day I was sitting in the Student Union building, abusing their free wireless, and there was a rather attractive guy sat opposite me, watching Wimbledon on one of the big TVs in the Terrace. After a while I established that he was gay, and that he kept making prolonged eye contact with me. Despite the fact that I was sat there for an entire hour and a half,and the eye contact was continuous and pretty shameless, he never once made a move, and eventually just left without anything happening. Did he miss a lesson in flirting school? Or did I?

The same day I went in to Sainsbury's on the way home to buy some chicken for our Thai Green curry I was making, and found I was annoyingly a penny short on change, and was loathe to have to use one of my notes. At this point, I realised how easy it is to find a penny pretty much anywhere, and lo and behold, after a minute of searching the floor- there it was. I bought the chicken and went on my way, but it got me thinking- yes indeed it might only be a penny, but I have a jar, no, two jars, full of them at home, which one day I will get round to cashing up, and I imagine they've added up to at least ten pounds by now.

Are people too lazy nowadays? Too lazy to keep their pennies saved up until they're worth more? Too lazy to flirt?

Hmm. It's a thought.

Fame and Fortune

2008-07-05T20:00:00.000+01:00

It’s a great big world out there. Or at least it used to be. The advent of the Internet has shrunk the world down to a global village. Sending a message to anybody in the world is now as simple as clicking a button; entire encyclopaedias of knowledge are now at one’s fingertips; and news from the other side of the planet can be reported within a matter of minutes. It’s also good news for the thousands of unsigned bands and musicians, searching for an audience and that ever-elusive record deal. MySpace, YouTube and countless other music websites allow them to get their music listened to and even reach out to their potential fanbases.

Almost everyone knows somebody who is an unsigned singer, or is in an unsigned band, and so will be familiar with the dilemmas faced by people in that situation. The Internet helps to bring an enormous array of different people together into one place where they can all potentially hear your music, regardless of age, gender, social class or locality. Unfortunately, that’s also part of the problem of the Internet- with so many people, so many websites, how can you ensure anyone will hear your music? Can it be done?

Jay Brannan is one of the best examples of an unsigned musician utilising the newfound tools available on the Internet to achieve success. Jay is a young singer-songwriter based in New York City, and was also an actor in John Cameron Mitchell’s 2006 movie Shortbus. Working a day job as a proofreader, Jay publicises his music via YouTube videos, playing live renditions of his songs and delivering honest, personal messages to his audience. Despite still not having a record deal, Jay has used the Internet to achieve a lot of success- cultivating and interacting with his fans via YouTube, Jay has managed to record his own EP, Unmastered (available on iTunes) and play shows all over the world. Now, he has finished his first full-length album, Goddamned (available from his website), on his own record label, Great Depression Records, and is about to embark on an extensive set of shows in America and the UK. Jay has also managed to make great use of social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace to reach out to new listeners, and broadcast his work.

If Jay’s story is anything to go by, it takes time to build up success on the Internet, and a lot of dedication, planning and innovation. The problem then arises when you need to reach the maximum amount of people in a short time; for example when advertising a gig- the Internet is not always the best way. There is, of course, the option of sending the ever-popular messages to all of your MySpace/Facebook friends, but that rarely wins you anyone new. No, in this case it’s necessary to revert back to the Dark Ages- a good, old-fashioned poster. The Internet is too vast a place to be able to easily advertise an event- there are a seemingly infinite number of pages for people to stumble through, and almost no way or guaranteeing that they will find yours, and even if they do, no way of making sure that people who see it will be people who can attend the gig. On the other hand, a poster, well designed and situated in the right places, can catch the attention of dozens of people whom otherwise might never have known about you, your music or the gig.

As with everything, posters have one serious drawback- cost. For a professional-looking, eye-catching poster, unless you or a close friend with plenty of free time are gifted with an impressive artistic ability, or the capacity to print on a large scale, you most likely may have to pay for someone else to design them for you, and generally that won’t be cheap- sometimes up to £150. For an unsigned band, very often composed of students, that’s a hefty sum. Luckily, it’s at this point that the Internet comes in handy again.

WeDesignPosters.com, a new website, offers professional poster design for only £15; a considerable amount less than others are charging, especially good news for the eternally cash-strapped undergrads. Think about it from a student’s perspective; that’s sacrificing a night out versus losing out on a few weeks rent- a significantly better deal. The website utilises a team of graphic designers, often also students wishing to add to their already impressive portfolios, to create affordable but effective posters for gigs and events. It is worth noting that many clubs and bars will charge bands that do not muster a large enough crowd, and very often a little bit of good advertising goes a long way, so it’s not too hard to see why an affordable and effective way of getting more people to your gig might be a good idea. The Internet, revolutionary and forward-looking though it may be, occasionally fails to be as effective as a piece of paper.

Move Day!

2008-07-01T07:42:00.002+01:00

Well this is it. Packing up Clarence Dock and leaving for pastures new (Hyde Park). Potentially might be without Internet for a little while so bear with me folks.

I'll miss this place.

Cy'all soon.

Moving.

2008-06-30T01:45:00.004+01:00

So I move into my new house on Tuesday morning, and I've been spending the last few days packing all of my things together in preparation. As well as it being a pain in the backside having to find bags and boxes to put everything into (and I seem to have amassed a ridiculous amount of extra possessions since moving in last September); it's quite emotionally draining to see all of the things you own piled up in one corner of your now practically empty room. It all looks really quite insignificant.

Halls have been fun, I've made a lot of friends here, plus ogling at all the boys running round semi-naked in summer was good fun, but I'm really looking forward to getting the house and making it into a proper home. Halls never really did feel like home, not really.

Anyway, roll on Tuesday, and my new place.

Revenge- A Buddhist Perspective

2008-06-27T18:26:00.005+01:00

Well I've been a-thinking about revenge recently. That's not to say that there is someone out there I am seeking vengeance upon, but more that I've been watching Sweeney Todd:The Demon Barber of Fleet Street and musing upon the messages and themes therein.

For those who havn't seen the movie, and I would heartily recommend that if you havn't, you do as as soon as possible, the plot concerns a barber seeking revenge upon the judge who wrongly convicted him of a crime he did not commit and transported him to the colonies, splitting up his family in the process. Upon returning to London some fifteen years later he discovers his wife was raped by the judge and subsequently poisoned herself, and his daughter is now the judge's ward.

The circumstances here are obviously not exactly common, but we all know that feeling when someone has done us wrong, and our first reaction is to seek revenge on that person. However, like with Sweeney Todd, that reaction, that passion for vengeance can blind us to a better solution to the problem. In the story, Sweeney is told by Mrs. Lovett that his wife Lucy ingested arsenic. He is never told specifically that Lucy died, due to Lovett's infatuation with Todd and her desire to claim him as her own. The cruel twist here is that his wife is actually alive, living as a slightly deranged beggar woman, whom Sweeney later kills.

He set off on his rampage of throat-slitting in an attempt to avenge her, but she was alive the whole time. He was blinded by his own intense passion. That's generally the problem with anything intense- it stops you seeing the real picture. Buddhism teaches you to avoid extreme points of view, and also to avoid what are termed "the three poisons"- anger, ignorance and greed. In Sweeney Todd, all three of the the poisons contribute to Sweeney's downfall. His anger at the judge drives him to ignorance about the true state of things and makes him get completely carried away. Equally Mrs. Lovett's greed lead her to lie about Lucy's death.

If you havn't seen the movie, I won't spoil anything but basically things don't work out too well for Sweeney by the end, and all because he let himself become ridiculously carried away with revenge.

Bad things happen, people suck. But revenge rarely gets you anywhere, apart from in more trouble.

Make Me Over.

2008-06-27T01:12:00.002+01:00

I've given the page a makeover, made it brighter and generally looking more upbeat. I also spent about an hour messing around with various programs to make a new title thing, and I'm pleased enough with the results considering how baffled I am by most designing software.

So yeah, bright and upbeat page; bright and upbeat me.

Updates and *shock horror* actual articles and reviews to follow within the next few days.

I bid you, my mostly silent and potentially non-existant reader, farewell.

For now.

Want, Not Need.

2008-06-04T00:39:00.002+01:00

Necessity is not an attractive quality in a prospective partner. This much I now realise. I don't need to be with anyone. I might quite like the idea of being with someone, but I can get along just fine without, thankyouverymuch. There are certain people I put way too much emphasis on, and I placed a lot emotionally in things developing, and for various reasons they didn't and it was pretty disappointing. Bad idea all round.

New plan. Be happy with myself, and in myself. Then see what happens with other people. Not rushing anything, and if I find someone I'll know I'm with them because I want to be, not because I need to be. Probably all sounds pretty basic to anyone else, just unfortunately it's taken me a little while to reach this stage.

Anyway, I'll leave you all with this song, which I love, and which fits my current mood. Maybe there's someone out there I will end up being happy with, and it will hopefully be fantastic. However I have no idea who that person is, so I'll just sit here, appreciate my own company and wait to see what the future holds.

What an odd day....

2008-05-22T02:37:00.003+01:00

It's been very strange. It all started with a Fresh Prince of Bel Air-themed dream. Can't remember what exactly that entailed but all I know is I had the bastarding theme tune stuck in my head all the way through my Poetry exam. The exam went okay I think, I was running off very little sleep but as far as I know I didn't bollocks anything up so I should have at least passed first year English; yay.

Then, like apparently everyone else in the entire freaking University, we went to Terrace for a celebratory bottle of Kopperberg Pear cider, and then Liz and I went to Wrapid for some comfort food. We ran into Hayley and we've organised a little jaunt out to Mission which should be pretty good. Liz and I then went into town for Liz to do a little bit of clothes shopping, which was very nice. I found a lovely suit jacket in H&M for £70. Maybe when I have a job..... :(

Anyway, I then get home, throw my things down and slump into a chair to vegetate for a little while. My plans for a brief nap were then disturbed by Catherine knocking on my door and inviting me to come with her to uni to watch the football (Man U vs Chelsea), which I eventually relented to when she said my favourite Aussie, Jess, would be there too. I ended up having a really fantastic time watching the match, and I'm really not usually appreciative of football; but the atmosphere in the Eldon really was fantastic. Me and Tina ended up getting the infamous Big Dripper Burger from Mahmoods, which despite being really quite obviously awful for your arteries, tasted amazing and I was hungry enough to really appreciate it!

Because Man U won the game, and due to their previously made bet, Jess had to down a pint of beer (or "scull" as they say in Oz...), which being the good friend I am, I filmed on my camera. We then headed over to the Faversham for a few drinks and a bit of a dance, which was quite nice, but the music turned into awful hip-hop after a little while so we decided to call it a night and head home. However, as we were leaving and about to head back, we noticed something strange behind the cafe next to the Fav- it was on fire....

Well, the building itself wasn't on fire, but a big pile of cardboard at the back had been set on fire and the flames were spreading fairly rapidly. We checked some of the other people hanging round had called the fire brigade, and then proceeded to take pictures of each other posing in front of the fire! I ran into a few coursemates from last semester, and convinced one of them to light his cigarette off the fire, which he did! Two fire engines then drove up and the firefighters put the flames out. We then did the only other sensible thing and took pictures of the girls posing with 2 of the firemen.

Finally Catherine and I started to walk home, and by the time we got to the general Clarence Dock area we decided to roam around for about half an hour taking random photos of Catherine; posing on a bridge; on a big metal ball, hugging a light, flirting with a statue, climbing a tree..... at 1am. We then finally got back home and had our dinner in the early hours of the morning!

It's been a bizarre day indeed but I've thoroughly enjoyed myself :)

The Day I Met Alphabeat! Well, half of them....

2008-05-05T00:42:00.004+01:00

On the 4th of May (Star Wars day- May the Fourth be with you!) I went to see Alphabeat at Night and Day in Manchester, with Andy as the tickets were part of his 18th birthday present. We got to the gig pretty darn early, in time to get a drink and hang around before the first act. The club was pretty quiet by this point, so I could see everyone. Anyway I then notice a rather attractive, well dressed, short man appear from the side- Anders B, Alphabeat's guitarist, who came and stood to watch FrankMusik about a foot away from where we were standing. He was followed not long afterwards by Rasmus, their keyboardist, and after another 10 minutes, Stine, Alphabeat's only female. She was actually tiny.

We watched them dancing essentially next to us for about 15 minutes or so, enjoying FrankMusik, and rightly so, as they were amazing. When Andy left to go to the toilet I managed to gain enough confidence to actually go over and talk to the three of them, luckily catching Stine just before she disappeared backstage again. I introduced myself and apologised if I was intruding, and basically played the starstruck fan. She was absolutely lovely, and seemed pleasantly surprised that I'd recognised her. Later on when they were performing "What Is Happening" she made eye contact with me and saw me singing along and gave a little smile.

Their set was fantastic, with Anders SG blatantly a little bit pissed, and the finale, with all of the Wonky Pop performers covering Daft Punk's "Digital Love" was absolutely brilliant, the whole club went insane. All in all a very good night.

Ben Stein is a complete and utter tool.

2008-04-19T23:35:00.002+01:00

He believes that Darwin's theory of evolution is responsible for the Holocaust.

What. The. Hell.

Chasing the Light

2008-04-14T16:41:00.002+01:00

Right now I would love to be someone else. Or at least just me, but somewhere else.

I wish I could see a solution to everything that's gone wrong. I wish I knew exactly what I wanted as well. Life very rarely runs smoothly for anybody, just at the moment I could really do with things being a tiny bit less bumpy. In the last few weeks I have been exploring my complete inability to deal with enormous amounts of change, most especially in the case of relationships and friendships. I have my appointment for the doctor's this Thursday, I'm pretty sure I know what they'll tell me, I just want a little help sorting everything out.

I hope soon enough I can look back on all of these blog posts and smile at how silly I was, but that's the light at the end of a tunnel that keeps getting longer and darker.

Declare Independence!

2008-04-11T00:28:00.003+01:00

Don't Let Them Do That To You!

This is just for you Alasdair :P

Anyway, as the last post touched on the whole China issue, I am continuing the theme somewhat by talking about the protests for an independent Tibet. The issue itself is a little too deep for me to go into now, and I'll admit my ignorance about large portions of it. This post is about the ethics of protesting, and in particular the actions of the singer Björk at her concert in Shanghai on March 2nd of this year. Whilst performing the song "Declare Independence", Björk shouted "Tibet! Tibet!" 3 times before going into the usual "Raise your flag" segment of the track. The song itself speaks to opressed nations, telling them to make their own stamps and currencies, and protect their languages, with the chorus telling them to, surprisingly enough, declare independence.

The Chinese government are understandably not awfully happy with Ms. Guðmundsdóttir, eager as they are to keep Tibet under their control, and accused her of hurting the feelings of the Chinese people. She responded thusly:

"When I said "Tibet, Tibet", I whispered it three times. There was no fuss in the room. It happened afterwards on websites. It shows more than anything that China has become the next superpower in the world. And the issue is: how are they going to deal with Western moral issues like freedom of speech? China said, ‘It's obvious Björk planned a trip to China with the purpose of political propaganda gathering… and I was like, no! It's not true! It's a question of [them] sensationalising it.

Perhaps after what's happened, people will find that difficult to believe. But I'm still working from an emotional core, and my songs come from private and personal experiences. Even songs like Declare Independence for me are about humanity."

The episode was of course a cause for celebration for the various groups who campaign for a free Tibet, who thanked Björk for standing up for their cause where various world leaders have failed to act before. Björk is not jumping on a bandwagon however, despite what some might think, as she has been a vocal supporter of the movement for a long time, including performing at the Tibetan Independence Concert in '96 and '97, although maybe dedicating a hugely political song to Tibet in China itself is a step removed from that!

Should celebrities get involved in political quagmires such as this? I would argue that they most definitely should. Whilst perhaps not being able to make a change in the way that a politician or ambassador might, they can raise the issue to more prominance, especially in this modern consumerist society of ours. Annie Lennox is hugely supportive of various issues concerning HIV/AIDS, and raises these issues in the public sphere. Celebrities raise issues to the wider masses, who can put pressure on the politicians and ambassadors to try and affect actual change.

Tibet's quest for independence is a long way from resolution, despite the best efforts of many. But I tip my metaphorical hat to Björk for her contributions to the cause.

Comments welcome, as always.

Declare Independence Video

An interesting discovery.

2008-04-09T15:30:00.005+01:00

Browsing through Wikipedia, as I often do, I happened upon the article concerning the Olympic Torch, which has obviously been in the news recently due to the protests concerning China's human rights record, or lack thereof, and the unrest in Tibet, with the flame having to be transported on a bus through Paris because of the demonstrators.
Anyway, I discovered that the "tradition" of the torch procession was developed at the 1936 Berlin Games, by Joseph Goebbels, Hitler's propaganda chief, in order to add "myth and mystique to Adolf Hitler’s regime." I previously was not aware of this fact, and I doubt if it is a commonly publicised fact, considering the criticism's aimed at the protesters' supposed lack of respect for the tradition.
My question is, does the Nazi origin of the torch procession mean that it should not be viewed as reverently as it is? Are the protesters somehow more vindicated for protesting and attempting to halt the procession? Something to ponder I guess. If anyone does actually read this, your thoughts would be much appreciated.

My Other Half?

2008-04-08T17:48:00.000+01:00

Most people who know me even half well know how much I love Hedwig and The Angry Inch. If you have no idea what that is, then Google is your friend.
One of the best songs from Hedwig is The Origin Of Love; quite early on in the film, the song deals with one of the film's central ideas- that for every person on earth, there is a predestined soulmate, a literal "other half". It uses a story from Plato's Symposium, where Aristophanes discusses how humans used to be round, with two sets of limbs and two faces on either side of one head, with 3 genders- male/male, female/female, or male/female. When we angered the gods, we were split down the middle into our current forms. Our desire to be reunited with our other halves manifests itself in that odd emotion- love, and sexual intercourse is how we attempt to put ourselves back together again. It's not meant to be taken literally of course, but it represents a belief a lot of people hold even today. But is there really that elusive, one, perfect "other half" out there?
When you spend almost every day with a partner or lover, eventually you do start to view them as an extension of yourself, they are always around you, you can finish their sentences for them, you can read their entire mood from a single facial movement. When you are not with them, you feel oddly incomplete, and if you are parted you feel as though this intangible other half has been painfully ripped away. But then what? If the relationship ends with this person, this one supposedly predestined perfect lover, does that mean you are forever doomed to inadequate romance?
Maybe it's just part of that thing with break ups, initially you can't foresee how you can possibly ever cope without them, you want to think they're the only one for you and no-one else could ever replace them. Or you go the other extreme, and wonder why you ever fell for them in the first place, and look for someone else better. Ultimately though, the end of a relationship can go any one of a million different ways, you might both move on and be much happier, or realise that breaking up was a huge mistake and get back together at a later date, or you might become friends and make each other much happier in that capacity than before. And unfortunately you can never know where that's going to go, you can't predict the future.
I genuinely don't know if I have a soulmate somewhere out there, or whether I already know who they are, or even if they exist at all.

"It is clear that I must find my other half. But is it a he or a she? What does this person look like? Identical to me? Or somehow complimentary? Does my other half have what I don't? Did he get the looks? The luck? The love? Were we really separated forceably or did he just run off with the good stuff? Or did I? Will this person embarass me? What about sex? Is that how we put ourselves back together again? Or can two people actually become one again?"

Transforming Tears

2008-04-08T01:41:00.000+01:00

It's been an odd few weeks really-ended a 15 month long relationship, and then all the jazz that goes with that, plus a lot of other things with various friends have been going on. It's not been easy going, this much I will freely admit.
I have wheeled quickly through every emotion known to man in the last few weeks- guilt, sadness, loneliness, happiness, anger, nervousness, nausea, numbness- if it exists I probably experienced it. Easier to say was that I suffered. Every morning I woke, expecting to find it had all been a horrible horrible dream, and every morning the realisation that it had all actually happened was like a punch in the stomach.
I had two options- to allow these emotions and this suffering to control and to use me, or to use them. They would not easily leave me, much as I tried to make them. Distractions didn't work, nothing made me feel better for longer than a few hours, so I did the only thing I could do, I used the suffering to my advantage. As Nietzsche said, what does not kill us, makes us stronger.
Whilst I know there are those out there who think I have no right to feel happy, I can't beat myself up for the rest of my life. What's done is done, and however bad that might be, there's not an awful lot I can do about it now, and the only thing I can do is focus on the present moment, because that's all we really have. The past is gone, and the future is spectacularly unpredictable.
I can learn from my pain, and never make the same mistakes again.

All I can ever be to you...

2008-03-25T18:20:00.000Z

..is the darkness that we knew, and this regret I got accustomed to.
***
It's my responsibility, and you don't owe nothing to me, but to walk away I have no capacity.

[Amy Winehouse, not me. Hence the double negative.]

The Evils and Joys of Facebook

2008-03-22T01:42:00.000Z

Facebook, like most social networking sites is fantastic for keeping up to date with your friends lives, and for stalking attractive strangers [I mean, I've heard...], but with that ability to track down people comes a few downsides. I'm sure more than a handful of others have experienced that sinking feeling in their gut as they stumble upon the page of an ex-friend or ex-partner. Very few people I know can resist that temptation to keep reading information, look at pictures, examine wall posts. It's like Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream- you know ultimately it's going to be absolutely awful for you, but at the time it's practically irresistable.

I've pissed off a fair few people in my time on this planet, and similarly plenty of people have pissed me off to the point where I've wanted nothing to do with them anymore. There are a few from both groups of who I can warmly reminisce about from time to time, and stumbling across a Facebook photo album of them having fun with new friends is potentially a little galling. There is a certain individual, and most of my friends will instantly recognise who this is, who had an enormous impact on my life, and not necessarily for the better, a few years ago, and with whom contact has been sparse thereafter. A little while ago I came across the Facebook page of this person, and despite knowing quite plainly that it would only serve to upset me, I decided to spend a good 10 minutes browsing over his photos and page, bringing emotions back to the surface which have been pretty well repressed for about 2 years.

In the real world, I would never have even entertained the notion of hanging out with this person, yet somehow I thought the distance the internet provides would soften the emotional blow and allow me some space for rubbernecking on his new life. All that this did was bait me into spending longer looking over his stuff, making the emotional fallout all the worse. It surprised me exactly how much just looking at his Facebook shook me up, despite the time gap in between and various steps I took directly after the initial debacle all that time ago to make myself "better" again.

Recently, there have been developments in my friendship groups which have echoed the old situation with this individual, but with a shift in role for myself. These developments, whilst a world away from being good, have served the purpose of helping me open up my eyes to the bigger picture, and slowly, I'm finding the ability to let go of mental anguish which has literally haunted me since the first year of college. They are of course bringing with them a whole host of new problems, but I hope that with my newfound liberation from old worries, I will have gained clarity and experience to deal with the new ones. Life is full of problems, it's a fundamental law of the universe, but I think that now I'm finding better ways of facing them head on.

To be free, one must give up a little part of oneself.

2007-10-29T17:44:00.000Z

University- the time when the young person is thrust out into the big wide world, free from outside interference, usually for the first time in their short life. But it can feel awfully lonely, being so free.
The vast majority of the time, the university will be somewhere new, some new city, some new county, even a new country for some. A brand new playground, unexplored terrain and strange new places to be discovered, with a whole host of brand new people to be met. For most students, they start their first few days without the safety net of their old friends from home, although there are of course those lucky few groups of friends who stick together.
The worries of most freshers are wholly justified, as this is for even the most outgoing, a vaguely terrifying prospect. There are the new flatmates, with whom you have to live for the next year, the new coursemates, and the random people you meet here and there around campus. This chaotic carnival of new faces continues for a large portion of the year, and the prospect that these new friends might not like you is an everpresent, if unconscious worry.
My flatmates, I am happy to say, are for the most part very very lovely people. One of them however, has of late become something of an annoyance, and the concept of tidying up after themselves in the kitchen is completely alien to them. My constant moaning about them never fails to remind me of how much my mum used to moan at me about exactly the same things when I was still at home.
At home, most people would be quite happy simply to uproot themselves and live alone, when faced with a parental barrage of criticism, and I was no different, especially as me and my mum argued fairly frequently. Once away from home, however, and left to fend for oneself, the arguing seems to be a pretty fair deal in return for meals cooked for you, clothes washed, and overall, the certainty of someone else being around most of the time for you.
Today, I went for a walk around Leeds, to look for a supermarket that is allegedly somewhere near my halls of residence, although I was somewhat unsuccesful, i.e. I couldn't find it. Instead I spent an hour wandering around an area of the city I am still completely ignorant of, where there were an abundance of council houses, social clubs and unfriendly looking youths. In short, it was something of a terrifying little excursion, and the fact that I was completely alone really did not help any. I started pining for "home"- but was this my room back in my halls, or my house back in my home town? What is "home"? Do you ever really tear yourself away completely from where you were brought up, no matter how scathing of the place you may be?
And is the freedom of living alone, and giving up the comforts of "home", really worth the emotional stress of the transition?